Florida-Georgia Line "H.O.L.Y." Single Review

     There are a few things in life you can be sure of. The sun will come up in the morning, a politician will lie, and Florida-Georgia Line will put out a terrible song. Once again, the two biggest jokes of the genre have paired up to release another subpar, paint-by-numbers monstrosity that offends the ears of any sound-minded individual. The ambitiously titled “H.O.L.Y.” wants you to think it is a Contemporary Christian power ballad, but it is once again a farce. If there is one thing these meatheads are good at, it is pandering to the lowest common denominators of a genre in order to milk it for maximum profit. “H.O.L.Y.” is religious all right, but it is more aligned with hellfire and plagues rather than goodness and glory.

     Let’s get this out of the way right now: this song is disguised as religious, but it is about sex. Nothing more and nothing less. There is a trend of religiously based country songs doing well right now, and like the eternal carpet-bagging pricks that they are, Florida-Georgia Line hopped on that bandwagon quicker than one of their roadies could jump on an under-aged groupie. They try to backpedal out of the comparison by using the title as an acronym, stating it stands for “High On Loving You”… because if there is anything that is more played out that generic love songs, it’s the “comparing love to drugs” theme. The lyrics have classy lines like “let me lay ya down, give me to ya, get you singing babe, hallelujah… we’ll be touching, we’ll be touching heaven…” Not exactly what I remember singing on Sunday mornings. This is a sex song. If anybody tells you it is religious in any way, shape, or form, they are dead wrong. The fact that these morons are even subtly implying any religious imagery with this is appalling.

     There isn’t really much to say about the structure of this song from a sonic sound point. Sure, it is catchy enough that it’ll probably be a hit, but they aren’t fooling me. This song is bland, predictable, and very generic. If the subject matter wasn’t so disgusting, there wouldn’t really a point in caring about this song. It has all of the elements to go up the charts and slide back down without raising any pulses or making any type of cultural impact. It’s just there. It isn’t really country, it’s just adult contemporary, but when did Florida-Georgia Line ever really sound country? This arrangement is just boring. It exists. That’s all I got to say about that.

     Florida-Georgia Line almost got away with one. If this would have been the same song with different lyrics, this wouldn’t have even blipped my radar. However, the act of hiding a sex song in a religious song is such a dirtbag move that I couldn’t ignore it. Of all the dumb moves that these guys have made, this may be the worst. So, “H.O.L.Y.” is not a good song. It isn’t a decent song. It is gross and disrespectful. Once again, these guys prove to be the most scudzy members of the country music world. Avoid this one at all costs.