Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Florida-Georgia Line "Anything Goes" Album Review

      Florida-Georgia Line teased us with some semblance of decency with their summer hit “Dirt”. The song was sincere, well written, and even had a steel-guitar buried in there. Many hoped that the subsequent album would be at least better balanced between the hick-hop/pop/rock drivel and some actual country songs. We didn’t expect them to become real artists overnight, but we expected a gradual maturation. We were wrong. Anything Goes is a total joke, not just by country music standards (duh) but by Florida-Georgia Line’s “standards” as well.

      I’m not going to waste my time to give a track by track breakdown of this train-wreck. Here’s the review: Is the song named “Dirt”? No? Then it sucks. That’s it. They didn’t breathe one iota of effort into this album, and that is the issue. Of course, they have “Dirt” and then eleven other boring repeats. But, the problem with this album lies in their overall lack of exploration or discovery. I really shouldn’t expect effort from these clowns at this point, but honestly, I thought I’d see more. The title Anything Goes led me to believe that this album was going to be a full-on, headfirst dive into the pop/rock/hip-hop world. I expected more rap breakdowns, louder guitars, a duet with Lady Gaga, all kinds of stupid stuff… Anything Goes, right? Would I have enjoyed that album? Hell no. Would it have been good? Hell no. But, it would be interesting. This is just, boring. I can’t even muster up enough insults to drag this thing through the mud. It feels like these two dude-bros threw this thing together in a few hours, slapped a generic cover and title on it, and called it a day. It is such a carbon copy of Here’s To The Good Times that it doesn’t need to exist. If Florida-Georgia Line wants to remain relevant, they have to do better than this. Either wash off the axe body spray, get a shirt with some sleeves, and write some honest, heartfelt songs, or employ a whole circus of dirt-bike riders, snake charmers, and tattoo artists to be on stage during their tour while they launch fireworks and sing hip-hop remixes of Guns & Roses songs through an Auto-tune machine. They’ve beaten this dead horse for so long that it’s almost rotted out, but here they are, still clubbing.

      That’s it. I don’t have anything else to say. I really don’t have the give-a-crap in me to really dive into the problems with this album. Yeah, the line “sit you up on the sink, stick my pink umbrella in your drink” in “Sun Daze” is the most immature dick joke to ever grace the radio waves. Yeah, “Angel” is, no joke, based around the cheesiest pick-up line in history about an angel “falling from heaven”. Yeah, they rhyme good with good a million times, and then call another song “Good Good”. All of those examples point to the massive amounts of laziness that went into this album. If you like Florida-Georgia Line, you probably already have their last album, so there is literally no reason to waste money to buy this one. If you hate Florida-Georgia Line, it’s so boring and similar that you can’t even come up with anything to argue the mouth-breathers that will eat this up. Anything Goes should have been called Ehh, That’ll Work.

Standout Tracks: "Dirt"

 "Dirt"( The Good)

"Angel" (The Bad)

"Sun Daze" (The Ugly.  Keep your "pink umbrellas" away from my "drink")

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